Top 10: Things Every Horror Movie Must Have

As a self-proclaimed horror officianado, complete with an online membership at bloody-disgusting.com and viewer of countless scary movies, I decided it was about time to incorporate some of it into my blog.

First off, let me say that I LOVE to watch movies. My favorite kind, obviously, are the scary ones. And what with all these classic horror movies being remade (Nightmare on Elm St, Friday the 13th, etc) I decided to compile a list of the basic elements of a good, scary horror movie. These are 10 things that every successful horror movie needs. Let's get it on.

1. A good killer.

The Strangers

A perfect killer, if there ever was such a thing, should have several characteristics in order to be an effective antagonist. For obvious reasons, they will need a nice, reliable weapon. Knives, machetes, chainsaws, axes, swords, tire-irons,metal claws- the list goes on. Pick one. Another characteristic that helps, but isn't required, is a mask. They hide the killer's identity, and they can really scare the shit out of your victim (see above). Next, the killer needs style. Take Jason Voorhees of Friday the 13th, for example. He rarely runs after his victims, yet he always manages to catch up. and for a lumbering maniac, he can be very creative when it comes to killing horny camp counselors.

2. Suspense!

Every horror movie needs suspense. It is the single most effective element in a horror movie. Hell, it's what makes a horror movie a horror movie! With a combination of creepy background music (or even the lack of any sound, for that matter) and the disappearance of any sudden action, the perfect amount of suspense can be created. It's not a horror movie if, at some point in the show, your heart isn't pounding inside your chest.

3. Gore

Another must-have in any scary movie is gore. The more blood, the better. Yes, some psychological horror movies work well without gore, but c'mon- every horror movie needs at least a little gore. Blood and guts are a good thing in Horror Movie Land. Pain and blood and terror go hand in hand, so every horror movie needs to know how to use gore in an efficient, effective way.

4. Good victims

Friday the 13th (2009 remake)

The psychotic serial killer is only as good as his prey. Maybe not so much, but you get my point. A nice cast of beautiful, stupid teenagers is a good thing in modern horror movies. One should always be able to relate to a good character in some way. You will always have at least one of the few horror movie stereotypes: the slut, the douschebag, the funny one, the smart one, the strong/silent boyfriend, and the standard heroine. Even better if you can get all of them together, because a good group of victims that have chemistry and attitude is always more fun to pick off.

5. Nudity

Nudity has become a staple of good, old-fashioned horror movies. There's always that one girl who's eager to shed her clothes and bare it all for the camera. She's usually the first to go, but at least she makes her screen time memorable. Brief sex scenes are more and more common in today's scary movies, so modern horror audiences are expecting at least some nudity in a horror movie. At least, the male portion of the audience. So please, Hollywood- show a little skin.

6. Fight-and-flight...or, just flight.

There will always -always!- be a brave one out of the group of scared victims. And sure enough, they are bound to fight back when the crazed killer comes a knocking. And so there should always be a scene where one of the kids fights back, manages to injure or seemingly kill the bad guy, and run away blindly through the woods only to be surprised when the killer pops out of nowhere and proceeds to slaughter the little punk. A closely related, but still different scene would be where one of the victims (preferably a stupid, crying blonde), broken off from the rest of the gang, runs rather loudly and stupidly away from the killer, only to trip or hurt her leg and be hacked to pieces.

7. The plan

There's always a scene where one of the more ballsy character decides to make a plan for escaping/killing the bad guy. Usually the plan ends in one or more of his comrades being killed and the rest fleeing in terror, but at least they showed some initiative! In every movie there's that one dawning moment when someone realizes the killer's weakness, or discovers that, hey, this vehicle's still got the keys in the ignition! If it weren't for these scenes, the victims would seem so helpless that seeing them killed would be a relief. So, horror movies, you should always have at least one moment of triumph for the poor, doomed victim/s, no matter how small or pointless it may be.

8. The twist ending

Mary Shaw, of Dead Silence

In 99% of horror movies, the ending is a complete and utter twist. The killer may return from the dead to exact their revenge, or maybe the survivor ends up dying, too. Anyway, every horror movie needs to end on a note that, while it gives closure, it still sends the viewer to bed with some dread in their stomach and paranoia in their brain. And if a Hollywood can spawn a movie that can accomplish that, well, maybe that's the scarist part of it all.

9. A good backstory/plot

If you want a good scary movie that you can really get into, then you'll want one with a creepy, original backstory that gives some insight into why the killer is killing. We want a little look into their motives, but not enough to make us feel sympathy for the bad guy. Also, an original plot is hard to come by these days. I can't tell you how many movies I watched where the killer kills people because they're deformed, have mommy issues, and live in the backwoods by themselves. I beg the writers of horror movies to come up with something creative!

10. Setting

Basically, the setting makes the story. And I've seen about everything. Woods, check. Abandoned farm/town/building, check. Creepy old house, check. And while I do understand that basically every setting has been used and it's hard to come up with new ones, I'd just like to see a new spin on a classic scary setting. This is maybe one of the most overlooked yet important elements in a good horror movie.

What do you think? Am i missing something? Comment and tell me what, or give your favorite scary movie and why it is your favorite.

Alejandro - Lady GaGa

Ok, let me start this review out first by saying that I love Lady Gaga. She is fresh and shocking and entertaining and she has actual talent, unlike many other of today's pop stars (Ke$ha, I'm lookin at you). At first I was a little wary of Gaga, but then I, along with the rest of the world - or majority of it- caught on to her brilliance.

I downloaded her Fame album onto my iPod and watched as she cranked out hit after hit with Just Dance, Poker Face, LoveGame, and Paparazzi. By now I was worried about her, after her strange Paparazzi video, but I went with it. Then came her even weirder Bad Romance video, where I first realized that she was headed down a dark path. I got most of her songs from her Fame Monster album, and was shocked with the rest of the world when she released her controversial Telephone video. I was weirded out but the more I watched it the more I learned how fun it was.

Then came Alejandro.

I love the song, but the video made Telephone look pretty tame. This is not like the Gaga that we know. It is darker, despite the obvious Spanish theme to the song. The mix of sexuality and spirituality is, to say the least, controversial. But then again, Lady Gaga has always been a magnet for controversy. Plus it seems that she has, dare I say, copied Madonna's own videos to create this one. What does all of this mean? Nearly 20 million views on YouTube.

Despite the video's shock value & success, and my own fondness of Lady Gaga, I'm afraid to say that I was disappointed in this music video.






Upon first watching it I had about a zillion thoughs go through my mind. Here are just a few of them:

1) half naked guy in fishnets and heels. uh-oh (first red flag)

2) the soldiers marching in unison is kinda cool. and really scary.

3) in those goggles with her bowl-cut hairdo, Gaga really resembles that blue alien dude from Hellboy. Observe.


4) snow? really? what happened to 'hot like mexico?' (2nd red flag)

5) Gaga makes for a scary nun. and now a skinny, pale, dominatrix. (do i need to continue with the red flags? by now im already slightly disturbed)

6)wait..?! Gaga in pants?!??! what is this??????????????!

7) im diggin the machine gun bra. possibly my fav. part?

8) and now shes having an orgy with a dozen presumably gay men. (Gaga said the video depicts her love for the gay community and 'Alejandro' was to have a 'homoerotic military theme')

9) the ending really scared me! her face melts and distorts and i was completely not expecting it! my new favorite part of the video.

Well there you have it. Alejandro has mentally disturbed me. Thanks, Gaga.